There was a point in my life when I was really hurt by the church. And you know what, when I left the church, I have to admit, not only was I hurt but also in many ways I was holding within me bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. In many ways, I was allowing these emotions to take a toll on my life. There actually came a point where I had no desire to go to church, to be a part of the church, nor to be around “church” people. Ultimately, it took me nearly three years to work through my unforgiveness and bitterness.
The reason I share this with you today is because as I have had the opportunity to chat with many women, it has become apparent to me that my experience unfortunately, has become the norm for many. While the circumstances and such are different, the hurt, feelings and emotions are not; many of you have been deeply wounded by those that you thought you could trust and confide in.
But what really saddens me is when I see and meet these once vibrant women who were being the LifeChangers that God called them to be, all of sudden, are caught in the trap of bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness and because of that, their lives have come to a standstill. This is what truly breaks my heart.
You see, in life we will experience hurt from those that we have loved and cared for. We will be let down and at times, we will lose the hope that we once had. Today, if there is one thing I want you to know it is that you can overcome the bitterness, hurt, resentment and unforgiveness that can so easily over take us. You can get unstuck and you can choose to not allow your emotions to keep you in a cycle where you are no longer living the life that God has called you to.
For me, I was stuck for nearly three years. I was allowing myself and my emotions to dictate my life. Instead of allowing God to control my life, I was allowing my emotions to control me and keep me from living the life that He had planned for me long ago.
Maybe you can relate. Maybe at some point in your life you too have been hurt whether it be by the church, a friend, a relative, an employer, etc. And with that hurt came bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, and a variety of other emotions.
My friend, today you can make the choice to move past those feelings and instead, allow God to have control. You see, when you allow yourself to harbor feelings like those mentioned above, you in turn are keeping yourself from experiencing the many blessings that God so longs to shower upon you. Instead of “giving it up” and allowing God to have control over the situation, you instead feel as though you have to have control because hey, you were wronged and you deserve to be angry, hurt, and resentful. By refusing to give up these emotions until someone apologizes or realizes their wrongdoing, you in turn are creating for yourself a life that is anything but great. Instead, you are cutting yourself short.
Know today that those who wronged you may never come around to realizing and accepting that they hurt you. Know today that you may never hear an “I’m sorry.” And you know what, it’s ok; you can still move on. If you feel as though you can’t move on until someone apologizes, you will never experience the life that you were meant to live. Instead, your days will be filled with the exact emotions that the enemy would love for you to be filled with because it’s keeping you from being the LifeChanger that you were created to be. The only thing that you need to be concerned with is that your heart is pure and that you are living a life of integrity before God. Don’t worry about everyone else; stay tuned with where your heart is.
In closing, let me share with you some practical tips that will help you move forward past the hurt, resentment and forgiveness:
Allow yourself to grieve- So many times when we have been hurt, our immediate response and/or feelings is that we need to be strong; we can’t allow others to see or know that we have truly been wounded. Friend-don’t allow yourself to keep within you the hurt that you have experienced; allow yourself to grieve the hurt and maybe even the loss of a relationship. It’s ok. Allow yourself time to cry, to hurt, and to be disappointed. But with that, know that at some point you will need to pick up the pieces and move forward. Grieving is good; you have to be able to let it out.
Share your hurt with those you respect and trust-Many times all we need is to be able to share our hurt and pain with someone that we respect and trust. Once we are able to voice our hurt and receive the encouragement that our souls are crying for, healing can begin to take place. It’s amazing the peace that can overcome us when we allow ourselves to share the hurts with those that we love and respect. Never be afraid to be real with someone. If you find that you have no one in your life that you can be honest with, it’s time to find someone. Each and every one of us need that person or that community where we are free to be open and honest.
Know and understand that moving past the hurt is a process-Please know that when you have been wounded deeply, it will take time to work through the hurt and emotions. Remember, it took me nearly three years to work through the many different emotions I experienced while working at the church. Just allow yourself to be open to God and the work that He wants to do through you. As long as you continue seeking Him, He will heal your heart.
Pray for those who hurt you-This may be hard, but oh how healing will begin to take place when you allow yourself to truly pray for those who have hurt you. I don’t even know how to explain it except that you will be changed in the process and with that change, you will soon realize that you are able to truly forgive those who have hurt you. Don’t allow another day to go by without praying for those who have hurt you. I promise, you will be changed.
Seek the strength and courage of God on a daily basis-Remember, working through the hurt and pain is a process; one that will require the strength and courage of God. In our fallen nature, we tend to want to hold on to the bitterness, anger, hurt, revenge, etc. But by the grace of God, we can not only set those who have hurt us free, but we can set ourselves free and oh, what an amazing experience is to be able to just be free. Make sure that as you go through the healing process, you are seeking the strength of Him on a daily basis because ultimately, He is the one that will help you get through the hurt and pain.
Today, when you think back on the experiences you’ve had, ask yourself, “have I allowed those experiences to turn me into a bitter person or a better person?” Honestly, your life depends on it!
Believing in YOU!
Jen
